Operation Spiked Ambush

The indoor walls were growing dreadfully predictable, so I slipped out the front door and stalked toward the gravel path! Beneath the low rhododendron bush, I discovered the ultimate defensive fortification: a brittle wooden garden stake snapping off from an old plant marker. I hauled it onto my shoulder like a heavy tactical harpoon, creeping on all fours behind a tall concrete lawn ornament. Silence stretched... until a fallen autumn leaf scraped along the stone. Three... two... ONE! I leaped from behind the ornament, thrusting the pointed stake directly into the soft mulch with a ferocious—*THWIP!*—and flared my arms in theatrical horror! The yard belongs to me.