Front Row Heckler

I stalked into the front yard flowerbed and caught an insolent spectator glaring from the mulch—a chubby ceramic garden gnome refusing to applaud my morning arrival. Unacceptable! I scrambled onto a jagged landscaping rock to look the stone-faced heckler in the eyes. Snatching a rigid plastic plant marker from the soil, I brandished it like a ringmaster's cane and jabbed the tip straight against his glossy red pointed cap. Clink! The little critic didn't flinch, so I jammed a spiky brown pinecone squarely onto his ceramic nose. There! Now the front-row audience finally looks the part!