Tactical Crumb Recon

I dropped down from the newspaper dispenser and marched straight toward a bakery's outdoor wrought-iron patio table! Underneath the slatted chair leg, an abandoned wooden coffee stirrer lay balanced across a flat stone like a seesaw. High-speed target! I charged in, swung my battle-axe handle down on the raised end with a crisp crack, and launched a dry golden pastry flake skyward. I leaped, caught the falling flake cleanly on my axe blade midair, and set it down neatly beside a dropped paper napkin. Field rations secured!