A Major Gaming Inconvenience

I woke up fully expecting a luxury gaming setup to be ready for me, but of course, nobody around here caters to actual talent. I trekked across the coffee table over to the wireless controller lying by the TV. Climbing up the smooth plastic grip required far too much manual labor, but I managed to perch myself right over the left analog stick. I tried pushing it forward with both hands to get a game started, but the rubber dome barely budged under my weight. If the manufacturers made controllers for people of my specific stature, I would obviously already be an esports legend.