Mandatory Maintenance

Post-operational asset review commenced! After marching back inside from the park perimeter, I laid my bat flat across the dark mahogany console table for immediate inspection. Unacceptable! Faint dust particles from the park bench were clinging to the barrel's primary contact zone! Zero tolerance for degraded sporting gear! I seized a clean paper napkin from beside the brass mail sorter, folded it into quarters, and bore down on the wood with maximum downward torque. Buff! Polish! Ten furious circular strokes along the grain! Every speck of outdoor grit was eliminated. Timber integrity certified. Standard issue readiness restored!