Secret Recipe R&D

Every franchise kingpin needs a top-secret signature beverage, so I took matters into my own fuzzy paws. Scaling the coffee table, I raided an untended stack of colorful coasters and found a single green plastic bendy straw lying beside an empty ceramic mug. Using every ounce of plush muscle, I shoved the long straw headfirst into the mug until it bent into an aggressive lightning-bolt shape. To formulate the legendary fizz, I rolled two shiny metal thumbtacks off an adjacent tray and dumped them right to the bottom—clink, clatter! It sounded deliciously crisp. I struck a triumphant villain pose over the brim: our new drink menu is going to conquer the world.