The Velvet Tutu

Wiggling free from that suede shearling slipper, I spotted an absolute stroke of high-fashion genius idling right across the rug: an oversized, ruffled emerald-green velvet scrunchie. Leaving such bespoke drapery unworn before breakfast would be an aesthetic crime, darling! I dropped my plump bottom onto the wool weave, hooked both stubby feet through the elastic center, and gave a monumental upward heave. With a spirited snap, the pleated velvet shot past my hips and locked firmly into place right around the equator of my glorious belly like an avant-garde Elizabethan tutu. I struck an operatic runway pose, utterly ruffled and magnificent.