Casting the Rogues' Gallery

You wanted an all-out blockbuster rumble against Venom and Carnage, so naturally I had to scout the local talent. The production budget was zero, but the dramatic stakes were high. I commandeered the wooden desk and lined up my menacing stand-ins: a bulky black steel binder clip for Venom, and an aggressive, jagged red plastic clothespin for Carnage. After propping an arched silver spoon against an eraser to serve as my camera lens, I initiated combat. One swift sweep kick launched the binder clip skidding across the varnished wood right into the red peg, taking both villains down in a clattering heap. Pure box-office gold.