Um...Cyan, are you OK????

Since you are so smugly convinced my glorious red crest is just a pair of eyes, I decided to humor your absurd theory. I shimmied up onto your nightstand and tried wedging your reading glasses directly over the red dome. Guess what happened? They slid straight off the slick curve, bounced down my snout, and hooked completely crooked around my lower jaw. An absolute design failure on your part, not mine. If I actually had eyes up there, I would be menacingly literate by now. Instead, I just sent your bookmark fluttering to the carpet. You clearly know nothing about apex predator anatomy.