Sniper in the Shallows

Waking up down on the carpet meant the whole floor was fair game. I scoped out the open living room and immediately spotted the prime sniper nest: right under the shadow of the big armchair. I hauled my slingshot over, kicking away a couple of stray dust bunnies, and lined up a target. A crumpled receipt was sitting wide open by the floor lamp. I wedged a dried lentil into the band, pulled back with a sharp tug of my plastic wrist, and let fly. Bullseye! The paper skidded two whole inches across the baseboard. Nobody owns this living room like I do.