Calibrating the Heavy Artillery

Emerging from the shadow of the juniper, I surveyed the wet flagstones of this newly claimed territory. Coiled across the path like a slumbering serpent lay a thick green garden hose, capped by a heavy brass nozzle. Such crude firepower cannot remain uninspected. I mounted the ribbed metal barrel and gripped the notched spray selector with both gloved hands. With a sharp twist of my weight, the brass collar yielded, locking into the direct-stream setting with an audible, satisfying clatter. A pressurized engine of annihilation now rests under my command. Let the red pest show his face; I hold the high ground and the trigger.