Spring-Loaded Commando

I scrambled out of the house slipper and scaled the fluted leg of the entryway table like an elite commando. Waiting at the top was the mother of all tactical gadgets: a neon-green coiled plastic wrist keychain resting inside the ceramic catchall dish. Obviously, that's high-grade bungee cord material! I wedged my boot into the flexible spiral coil, gripped the heavy brass key ring with both gloved hands, and leaned back to charge up maximum tension. Tactical miscalculation! The coil snapped shut with venom, launching me into a chaotic airborne spin. I crash-landed chest-first into a pile of loose pennies, sending brass keys clattering like miniature cymbals. Entryway perimeter: thoroughly rattled.