Trigger Discipline

I marched off the patio deck straight into the wild mulch jungle of the backyard flowerbed. Lo and behold: half-buried under massive fern fronds lay the ultimate tactical hardware—a heavy-duty brass garden hose nozzle with a massive squeeze trigger. Naturally, I had to claim command. I scrambled up the ribbed green hose, wedged my boots onto the brass grip, and threw my entire body weight onto the giant lever. Did it blast a tidal wave across the lawn? Nope, the outdoor tap was totally dry. But the spring snapped shut with a thunderous clack, launching me backward directly into a soft cushion of damp green moss. Weapon officially scouted.