High-Pressure Negotiation

I found myself staring down the ultimate piece of heavy artillery on the brick walkway: a massive, coiled green garden hose armed with a pistol-grip spray nozzle. Obviously, a licensed mercenary needs to test the firing mechanism. I scrambled up the ribbed rubber coils, vaulted onto the contoured plastic handle, and hooked my right golden blade behind the spring-loaded metal trigger. With a theatrical battle yell, I threw my entire body weight backward to squeeze off a tactical burst. The heavy lever barely budged an eighth of an inch before snapping back, launching me in a clean backward flip right onto the bouncy rubber hose, sticking a flawless seated landing. Recoil: ten out of ten. Weapon: completely uncooperative.