Alien Gourd Patrol

I pushed through the pet flap and marched straight out onto the porch to survey the perimeter. Parked right on the weathered wooden step was the gnarliest, lumpy yellow-and-green ornamental gourd I have ever seen! With all those bumpy ridges, it looked exactly like a sleeping sci-fi alien egg ready to hatch some wild trouble. I dropped into a fighting stance, poked its knobby rind with a knuckle to test its armor, and gave its plump bottom a solid celebratory slap. When it stayed frozen, I puffed out my chest and let loose a proud, sputtering raspberry right in its bumpy face. Perimeter secured!