Conquest of the Chrome Obelisk

A true ruler does not lurk in the lowlands! My eyes locked onto a gleaming monolith radiating glorious heat on the high counter. I gripped the fabric of a hanging dishtowel, hauled my bulk upward with sheer grit, and hauled myself onto the polished stone summit. There it stood: the two-slot toaster, humming with fierce inner fire! The polished chrome cast back my imposing reflection. With a decisive thud, I slammed my claw down on the wide lever. Ka-chunk! Sparks of golden warmth flared inside. Gwahaha! The heat is mine to command!