The Cracker Heist

You can't watch prime-time sitcoms on an empty stomach, so I raided the coffee table. Perched on the far edge was a glass bowl loaded with crunchy cheese crackers. The sides were practically a vertical glass cliff. Instead of attempting some ridiculous mountaineering stunt, I grabbed a heavy wooden coaster, wedged it against the rim at an angle, and strolled up the makeshift ramp like I owned the joint. Scooped up a massive cheddar triangle that weighed almost as much as my arm, slid down backward, and kicked back against the table leg. Zero complaints, maximum crunch.