Official Weigh-In

I marched straight up to the retro mechanical kitchen scale sitting beside the canisters—time for an official Monday morning roster weigh-in! I set my miniature leather football right in the center of the polished stainless steel pan, planted both cleats firmly on the rim, and squared my shoulders. The internal spring gave a muffled, satisfying groan as the tray sank an inch. Down on the circular face, the bright red indicator needle swung in a swift arc across the black hash marks, quivering before locking dead on the mark. Roster weight certified, zero ballast, game day ready!