Dude... The Heavy Nut

Dude... I stepped out onto the cold concrete porch to survey the yard. Dude... resting right by the boot brush was an enormous, greasy steel hexagonal nut, thick enough to anchor a bridge. Dude... I circled it first, checking the rough aggregate under my boots to ensure zero wobble. Dude... footing was rock solid. Dude... I dropped into a deep sumo stance, gripped the cold threaded walls with both palms, and drove straight through my heels. Dude... I deadlifted that heavy chunk of steel clean to my chest and held it rock steady for three counts before racking it by the post. Dude... workout nailed, so I whipped out a giant double-barreled turbo cannon and hauled tail behind the storm door!