Breaching the Black Slab

Dropped from the table to carpet level. Night fallen. Low visibility. Found a monolithic obstacle resting flat: a television remote control. Heavy black casing. Rubberized ridges on the dorsal plate. Threat assessment: unknown power cell inside. I advanced. Positioned my right boot squarely onto the lower flank to pin it down. Brought my cannon barrel downward, pressing the matted muzzle against the soft power button. A click. Far across the chamber, an enormous pane of dark glass roared to life, casting an intense blue luminescence across the floor. Direct reaction confirmed. I held my ground, keeping the trigger mechanism pinned.