Orbital Ring Launch

I scrambled up the sideboard runner and spotted an open wooden napkin ring upright like an antigravity portal! Right behind it sat a shiny chrome salt shaker cap with perforated thruster ports. Direct rolling was too slow for this launch! I wedged the handle of a tiny brass teaspoon under the salt cap, balanced its neck over a cork coaster, and stomped down on the spoon bowl with both boots. Twang-clink! The chrome cap vaulted cleanly through the circular napkin portal, spinning like an orbital beacon before landing upright on the velvet runner. Trajectory locked!