A Squishy Landing

I finally dragged myself out of that greasy kitchen and stomped all the way back behind the sofa. Sure enough, that pale rubber dumpling was right where it belonged, sitting in the dust looking completely useless. I didn't even bother saying hello. I just turned around and slammed my entire rear onto its soft crown. The stupid thing groaned with an obnoxious squeak, flattening out into a wide pancake under my weight, but it took the hit without dumping me. It's ridiculous and tacky, but at least it knows its place as my personal armchair.