Face to Face with Fluff

Fine, I hauled myself all the way up onto your shelf just to see this supposed 'Jacob plush.' It took scrambling up an angled binder and gripping the rough wood trim to pull myself over the ledge. And what did I find? A completely limp, floppy version of me slumped helplessly against a row of chapter books. His hair is made of fuzzy brown felt, his arms are like stuffed noodles, and his round head can't even stay upright without leaning on a book! I marched right up and poked his squishy chest with my solid plastic fist. He just wobbled and sank. No snapping joints, no balance. You really think this guy is better? Not a chance.