The Slanted Ascent

Wha-?! Kicking past my clothespin portcullis, I discovered a brazen runway daring me to ascend! A long, polished wooden shoehorn leaned diagonally against the console table's lower rung, curving upward like an unauthorized ski-jump ramp. Suspicious! Did these indoor cowards think their slick timber would send Waluigi skidding into the baseboards? Never! Stomping onto the smooth slope, I felt the base wobble against the waxed parquet—blatant sabotage! Dropping into an athletic lunge, I kicked the stiff corner of a glossy magazine right under the heel of the horn, locking the ramp solid. Striding to the apex with both gloved fists raised, I conquered the incline! Wah!